Quality is what we pursue.

Is dating a thing of the past?

Beyond emotions to purposeful living

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Last Updated on 10 months by William

Dating/Engaged

Previously in the last article, we discussed how the status ‘single’ meant more than we thought it did. We examined the nuances of the two stages ‘single’ and ‘single and searching’, interpreting how these affected our living. In this new article, we would be examining the relationship statuses ‘dating’ and ‘engaged’.

Dating

The English online dictionary defines dating as a form of romantic courtship, typically between two individuals, with the aim of assessing the other’s suitability as a partner in an intimate relationship or as a spouse. Thus, in dating, the two parties, having identified themselves, indicate interest to communicate with each other to find out where the relationship might be headed.

Now in typical dating, the two individuals who come together are not in a relationship yet. However, they are just discovering where they might be heading. At this stage, it is difficult to state for sure if they would eventually get married or just go their separate ways. At best, they might just end up as friends or acquaintances. This also applies to future and purpose. People in this relationship stage have only recently discovered the fact that they want to be in a relationship, realising that living a life without purpose seems meaningless and empty. Like we discussed in the previous article, though they are single, they are currently searching now.

This set of people have found something they have passion for, or they think they have a passion for and are trying to see if it’s the best fit for them. They try out different projects, activities and missions to find that one thing that would click for them and eventually become their life’s purpose. Thus, you might find them engaging a different project only to drop them later. This stage of a relationship, while good must not continue forever. This is because, like in a typical dating situation, there is a tendency to become a jack of all trades yet, a master at none.

So, what then is the way out? You ask me.

In the pursuit of purpose, we will encounter different projects and passions that call our attention, in a bid to find that one thing that would just click. This is the dating stage.

In the dating stage, many projects are begun and abandoned. Many try their hand at a lot of things before realizing that they really do not suit them at all. This can also be related to those who actually go on one or two dates only to discover that they are not the best fit. Remember that project you started only to lose interest in soon after, that’s dating you just did.

Let’s try and move on to the next one.

ENGAGED

Mr X: will you marry me, my love?

Miss Y: (blushing with all her heart and smiling widely) yes….yes…I will marry you…

(Mr Y puts the ring on her finger and they embrace)

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YAY…. we finally got hooked…

This set of people have discovered something that works for them and they have begun taking baby steps to get serious with it. In this category, I will be talking about three seasons that happen in this status.

Passion and ‘fiery zeal’:

This stage goes like ‘I’ve just discovered the light at the end of the tunnel… Eureka… What beautiful purpose… I’m off to fulfil it’. And with their head in the clouds, zeal fired up and trailblazing, they set off on this wonderful adventure.

Remember that time that you got all fired up about that new project? Your room littered with papers that outlined all your hopes and aspirations? Or when you walked about with that pen in your ear or hand ready to put down any fresh idea that came? (I put my pen in my ears when I was in secondary school. Then I realized that school was work and soon forgot about it). Well, that was the freshly engaged stage you were in. It is the beginning where most people who just discovered their passion are bursting with energy. They start out with zeal and vigour, pursuing that purpose. They come up with all sort of inventions at the Beginning stage and their jotters are all filled with plans and strategies.

I wish we could stay like this forever. Perhaps, those abandoned projects would have seen the light of day. Sadly, it most times does not continue.

Withdrawal Syndrome:

I remember a friend I once had (a male friend). When we first met, it was all sunshine and bloom. We wanted to be together all the time. He was cute, I give him that, and we were infatuated with the idea of us as friends. I wish we had remained like that. Sadly, as we progressed, we suddenly began to discover faults and weaknesses in each other that we did not see at the beginning. And with no understanding of this, the relationship soon turned to bare ashes of what once was.

The above is characteristic of this stage. As we progress in their purpose, we discover that it’s not all bed and roses… That purpose would require late nights, endless proposal writings and presentations, sourcing for funding, etc., to attain Fulfilment. In other words, PURPOSE IS WORK. HARD WORK. Unfortunately, at this stage, the love of many begin to wax cold.

Just like it takes determination and commitment to sustain a relationship, it requires the same to sustain passion.

It is at this stage that the true worth of our passion and purpose will be tested and only doggedness and grit would get us past this stage.

I like to be very practical.

I love writing, teaching, and content creation. Quite recently, I also started a course on copywriting. As I discovered different ways my talents and skills could be harnessed, I just realised that with those inspirations come HARD WORK. now I have to choose between living the easy life or going through the narrow path of the purpose-driven life.

Is it possible to get past this? And when we do, what next?

Fruit-bearing stage:

When we can truly push through with our desires and dreams, we will soon get to bear fruit and reap its rewards. The fruit of engagement is a successful marriage. This will be the case only if we weather the storms that accompany our pursuit and press in till the end.

Has all of this made sense to you? I like to think it has. We’ll see in the next relationship status.

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